48 Hours & Holding ~ How I Stayed In Trust With God (or whatever you call it!)
Posted: Thursday, September 18, 2008
by Camille Strate
JoyZAChoice
I have some issues with trust. It started a very long time ago; but I'll spare you the gory details. Not really important ‘why', just that it's something I've been working on for a while now.
I've spent the better part of the past 20 years searching for answers. The whole ‘why am I here?' and ‘is there really a God?'. It wasn't until some very strange and out-of-the-blue malady reared it's nasty head and stopped me dead in my 240MPH tracks. Having been an athlete for all of my young life, and then a very athletic adult for the rest of it, I couldn't figure out why in the world (or how, for that matter) I could have such things going on in my body. I eat well, I exercise, I get lots of rest, I don't do recreational (or any other kind) drugs…what the #!*&!#!!? But when it all began, this ‘malady' that is, I figured it was in response to my request: "please, God, send me a sign. Are you there? Please show me HOW TO TRUST YOU". Well, well, well. Perhaps this God has a sense of humor after all (albeit a bit warped, if you ask me).
Now, let me back up a minute. When this whole ‘disordered condition' began, I did what I've always done. I got out my homeopathic books, my little tinctures and herbs, and got busy paying attention to my body's messages. Apparently, it had been trying to tell me something and I wasn't listening at all. I saw no less than 8 doctors, some ‘traditional', some ‘alternative', and got no less than 8 different ‘diagnoses'. I was sure that not a one of them knew jack about jack, and went back to the drawing board. I would do this myself. I can heal my body. I can heal my body. I CAN HEAL MY BODY!
A whole new adventure began.
I will spare you the titles, authors, etc., ad nauseam, as I'm sure you have other things to do besides read my ‘must read' list (if you do, however, wish to know, you can visit my website at joyzachoice.com and look at the ‘brainfood' page). The important thing to note is that I found 2 ‘teachers' who really rang my bell. There was something about what they were telling me that just hit home. And it all boiled down to this:
YOU MUST TRUST THAT WHERE YOU ARE IS WHERE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE.
YOU MUST TRUST THAT THERE IS A POWER LARGER THAN YOU THAT STANDS WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES.
YOU MUST TRUST THAT ‘THIS, TOO, SHALL PASS'.
See any commonalities here? Trust. It was (is) all about trust. Even if I don't believe in that God who will banish me to hell if I screw up, I must believe in something, right? Of course. And, if that's the case, and all this stuff I've been reading, practicing, learning for the past year is even remotely true (for me, that is) then the only thing I can do at this moment is trust and let go. Give it up to the heavens. Let go and Let God. Whatever little motto you'd like to call it, trust was the order of the day.
For the next 48 hours after learning of my impending move, I put up a hundred different sticky notes to remind me to trust. I went out on my deck and raised my hands to the sky. I burned candles and I prayed and I sat very still for long periods of time (well, for me 20 minutes sitting still is forever, but still…). On the morning of the 3rd day, I woke up and realized that I didn't have an ounce of doubt left in me. POOF! Just like that, it was gone. I was breathing normally (as opposed to hyperventilating my way through each moment), I had actually slept a full 9 hours without interruption, and I was smiling! Imagine that. Woke up with a big, ol' grin on my face. YES! There is a God! I got out of bed (slowly, as is now required because of said malady), made my way to the bathroom for the usual morning clean-up, and then sat down at my computer to email every single person I know in the area to let them know about my impending move…and could they please keep an ear out for me?
By 6 PM that evening, I'd found a place. Not only had I found a place, I had found the perfect-for-us place just a half mile up the road. With a pool (something I'd been urged to use…no joint impact), a rose garden, orange groves, green grass (no small thing in these parts), and 2.5 acres of lushness for my critters to romp in. All for a tiny bit more than I was already paying (but including all utilities, except my DishSatellite service)! A miracle? Yep. I do believe. I do believe. I DO BELIEVE! But perhaps it wasn't a miracle at all. Perhaps it was God's way of saying, "I hear you loud and clear. I've got your back. Don't worry so much!"
I realize I've made light of all this. Have to do that right now, as it helps me maintain my own sense of humor, which in turn helps me to move through this unpleasant-but-somehow-necessary place…and onto wellness. But the whole point of this is that we all need something to believe in. It doesn't really matter what you call it or how you ‘practice' it. What matters is that you have something that anchors you when you're about to go over the edge of what you know into the sometimes-scary unknown. That you have this thing in your core that reminds you, at all times, that you are not alone, that it will be okay and that life, as you know it, will be even better than you could've ever imagined.
I know. I've been there. And all it took was trust.
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Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)Hi Camille, thanks for the encouraging words and sharing your journey with us. I just love your sense of humor--and all while you make some great points :-) Have a blessed day, and a safe move. Your place sounds Beautiful!! What a gift! Love and hugs, TeresaThank you, Teresa! And thanks also for the love and hugs! I'm always filled with great warmth when I read these commentaries, especially when they include "love and hugs"!
Back To YOU~
Camille
hi camille,i've been on the trust train for a couple of years straight, and i do believe....sometimes blindly, but, i do believe.thanks for sharing your thoughts, and the best of luck in your new abode!my best regards,sue
Hi Camille.You make very good points about trust. And how wonderful that you were "forced" to find your perfect place. It's not just trust that we need to understand, but also complacency and fear. How long might you have stayed right where you were with the nicer place to live so close and unknown without working through your fear?You have brought to light lessons that we all need to take to heart; especially me.You are wrong though about one thing...I wouldn't find your path through your illness at all boring and would like to hear about it. There is a lot to be learned in how others overcome adversity.DianneI sencond Dianne's commentDearest Dianne~
Thank you for your kind words and for hearing what I was saying. It matters. As for the path thru my illness...let's just say that I don't talk about it...for many of my own valid reasons. I believe wholeheartedly that my return to wellness is directly related to my 'seeing it'. For now, I choose to keep the details out of it. However, I shall find a way to offer up a means for others to learn from WITHOUT talking about the details of said 'illness'. I do very much appreciate your confidence. Again, it matters!
Blessings & Hugs to You~
Camille
I think this is a great article.Thank you so very much, Jackie Riggins. It is a pleasure to have my meanderings read and taken well. Hugs to YOU~
Camille
Hi Camille,Another well written article. Oh how I used to struggle with trust. My problem was I wasn't trusting in the Lord, but in people. Once I realized I needed to trust God it became a little easier. Well...sometimes. The rest followed.Blessings always,I hear you loud and clear. Thanks so much for reading (and commenting). I very much appreciate your energy!
Hugs to you~
Camille
Camille, I have written before and didn't really have time to elaborate. Camille, God works in each of us "when we allow him in", yet we only give him credit when he fixes the "mess", then back to our old ways. I have just begun reading "The Course of Miracles". Truly a fantastic read.. I have my pastor even looking into it because it has lessons to help us redirect our spirit. I know we are each comforted when all is down, I know so well,yet I also realize that I haven't "continued" to give him being God the full respect that I should. When the chips are down we reach, yet when the chips are up we continue life in the same manner we always have, yet we have learned that he will be there which he states he is always. Now the key to this is to continue with him being God when the chips are up.. I don't know but you reach a certain age, especially women I think that we reach out for more belief structures and answers to who we are.. Well we are Gods creation and nothing less. God Bless each of us as we learn and reach out for his answers.. The judgment is every day of our lives leading up to his final judgment with us....!
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