Grief Doesn't Wear A Watch
Posted: Friday, March 13, 2009
by Camille Strate
JoyZAChoice
There's no clock that tells you when it's time to stop. There isn't any set period. The grieving process is different for each of us. The time we spend going through this process is as individual as we are. So it shouldn't really be a surprise when you realize that you're still doing it. Still grieving, even though you thought you were done. But it is. It's always a surprise, because it'll come outta nowhere and smack you silly. Yea. It's surprising.
Got home, had some lunch and came to my office to do some work. Sat down at my computer and was about to open up my file, when it hit me. WHACK. Right in the heart. The tears started flowing and I could feel my body tighten as the knot in my belly got bigger. I had no idea where it came from or why I felt so horribly sad. I just did. I moved away from my desk, sat back in my chair and thought, "Well. Alright then. Go ahead and cry. Might as well. You know you can't stop it anyway, so why fight it?"
I cried for a long time. Then I got tired of hearing myself sniveling. Then I jumped up like somebody had stuck me with a cattle prod....BZZZZZZZZT... ran to the bathroom to throw cold water on my face. After that, I walked over to the window and stared out at the beautiful view that reaches forever. Stood there for a bit, when the tears started all over again. POOP!
At this point, I pretty much knew that there wasn't much going to change until I just let it be for as long as it needed to be. So I went outside, sat in the sun, and just waited. Didn't think. Didn't try to stop. Just sat there. What is it? Why are you so sad? Just those two questions kept creeping in. When I got this image of my Raja floating through my mind, the tears came even harder. Yep. There it is. A year later and still the grieving continues. A year later and still I miss her so much it feels like it was just yesterday....
Grieving is such a mystery to me. I suppose it's not really all that complicated...but it's a mystery. It surprises me how much I can feel this pain in my body, when my heart is so sad. It surprises me, too, when I think about how little the pain has dissipated since she left. You'd think it would. But it doesn't feel like it. Feels just as awful today as it did the very day she left. POOP.
So, I've come to the conclusion that there's not a thing I can do about it. I've got to just let it be. Let the pain rise up. Let the tears fall down. Let the various stages of this grieving process be allowed to run their course. Because, near as I can tell, the more you try to ignore it, the longer it hangs around. Guess I'll be better off just letting it rise up full force. Maybe just roll around in it for a while. Wonder how that might work.
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Top-level comments on this article: (7 total)Wonderfully written and soulfully sad. I sometimes do that--twenty one years ago I lost my mother. And still I cry for her at odd times. As you said, there's not much you can do about it, but let it out. Thanks, Camille, for a great article.SandraDearest Sandra ~ While I am always grateful for any comments on my pieces, I seem to have a very 'elevated' emotional response when I get feedback from YOU. Not sure why that is, but I don't need to know why. I'm honored to hear from you...and honored to have your input. Many thanks, Dear One.
Something like that can come on you in a flash, but you have found a healthy outlet for your pain. I hope it eases soon. Raja would not want you to be sad.
Camille. I know how you feel gal, and I am here to tell you, you are doing the right thing, don't fight what you feel, eventually time will heal, you will never forget, but you WILL heal by the grace of God. I echo what Ken says RaJa would not want you to suffer like this. Just cry when you have to...I did with my Dad, and you may want to read my article, The Death Of a Hero, My Dad. It is sad, but I am living proof, that when you grieve enough, it will all come out, but as I said, I still, and will never forget him. May God Bless you, and give you the strength you need to heal. Your fan, and your friend in pen.....Gary. Wonderfully written heartfelt article.
Camille,Touching article and and great title. Thank you for sharing this experience. I think time, though, does make it easier to bear.Nancy
hi camille,ditto, ditto, ditto, ditto, .......i am in texas right now after coming to surprise my son at his air force academy graduation, and the tears fell like rain.my mom also passed away 20 years ago, and every now and then, mostly when i am feeling afraid or upset, i can cry for an hour over her loss.i know when i try to hold back the tears, i feel worse. my head hurts, my nose runs like a leaky faucet, and i cannot be comforted. those are the times i know i really have to give in and have my own mini breakdown to get out the pain and fear i may be feeling.thanks for sharing, i was at my aunt's, here in texas, and she had an adorable frog trinket out on her patio table. i thought about you.i took a picture.when i get home in few days, i'll send it to you.be well, andmy best to you,sue
Wonderful heartfelt article. I don't know when grief for another ends if ever but it does get easier as long as we don't deny we have it. When it comes I try to hang on to all the good memories.Linda D
I don't think true "grief" ever ends, you just develop the skills to cope with it better. Thirteen years on from losing my dad and it can still strike out of the blue, completely at random. Of course, there may be days, weeks or even months in between "episodes" but its always there. Perhaps grief is not really grief at all but actually love that never ends. Great article.
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